After all, maybe it`s nothing essential, it`s just a disagreement between the girls. But then again, the disagreement is much less than one imagines. For many people, the word disagreement has a generally negative connotation. For some, this seems to be the case because they associate differences of opinion with other ideas and experiences, which are also understood in negative terms, including hostility, hostility, quarrels, fear and attack. So if things start to warm up with a colleague — you don`t see the eyes on a project, or you`re not happy with the way you`ve been treated in a meeting, for example – how do you choose your words carefully? To answer this question, I spoke to Linda Hill, Wallace Brett Donham Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School and Chair of the Leadership Initiative. She is also co-author of Collective Genius: The Art and Practice of Leading Innovation and Being the Boss: The 3 Imperatives for Becoming a Great Leader. The second reason we often say the wrong thing is that our first instincts are usually off. In fact, it is often the words we have with us that put us in so much trouble. “It`s because we too often frame the subject in a way that he`s right or who`s wrong,” she says. Instead of trying to understand what is really going on in a disagreement, we are defending our position. Hill admits it`s okay to be defensive and even blame the other, but saying “you`re wrong” or “Let me tell you how right I`m right” is going to make things worse.
“We often build a case to find out why we`re right. Drop it and focus on trying to resolve the conflict,” she says. Of course, even if you follow this advice, sometimes there are no right words and it is not possible to have a constructive discussion. “Sometimes you have to let go and come back to it another time, when you can both have conversation,” Hill says. It is normal to leave and return to the discussion later if you are willing to make an intelligent and thoughtful choice about the words you want to use. If there had been a disagreement, it immediately disappeared with this misadventure. The main issues were the root causes. He seemed to think that you both had some kind of argument — or disagreements, you know. Hermione remembered it and realized that his silence had been caused by his disagreement. Bill grumbled about his disagreement with the diagnosis and went crazy.
Another possibility is that there is a specifically American hostility to disagreements, because the original nation was founded by people who said they were sticking to a single profession of faith that is the seducing ideology of individual rights and limited government. In other words, being an American was an up-and-away acceptance of a particular idea. Thus, those who did not seem to agree were sometimes experienced as “anti-American”. Some scholars (z.B. Louis Hartz) argue in this sense: The United States was deliberately created in a revolutionary era among people who did not experience the history of the century on the same soil.